Social media can portray many different aspects of someone’s life. Most of the time, it only shows their happy + eventful days. It may seem their lives are close to perfect.
However, not all days are like that. Actually most days aren’t like that. And some lives aren’t always glorious 100% of the time.
But we all have something to be grateful for. Here’s my story of the last couple of years where I felt lost, but found my way back.
***caution: long story***
Throughout my years in college, I experienced it on my own. Becca moved back to Arizona after our freshman year + I stayed in California. That transition forever changed me. Even though I feel that I grew so much + found a little piece of myself, those years were also my downfall.
College in itself was a struggle, but what really brought me down was my basketball experience.
In four years, I had four different coaching staffs. Four different years I had to constantly prove myself. Seasons were full of drama, frustration, unappreciation + self doubt.
Every year my depression + anxiety fell deeper. I constantly felt like I wasn’t good enough or welcomed by each coach that came into the program. Adapting to different cultures + the program changing every year, eventually broke the original reason why I wanted to attend the school. Basketball became a horrible nightmare to wake up to every morning. I found myself counting down the days until it was over + couldn’t wait to leave + never look back.
I thought it would get better after my last season or even after I graduated + got off campus. I could finally have a chance to forget the memories. But they never went away.
Transitioning from graduating college into the real world hit me pretty hard. I was working a part time job that paid shit + coached a JV basketball team that constantly reminded me of my struggles as a player + all the crap I had to go through the previous years.
A month after I graduated, I was at my all time low. I quit my part time shit job + was only coaching three days a week for two hours a day. In other words, I was bored out of my mind. I moved in with Robbie after graduation, which helped me tremendously, but he worked long hours throughout the day + some late nights. He was also taking care of me financially, which shouldn’t be the responsibility of a 22 year old.
My depression grew more than it ever had before. There were multiple occasions I wouldn’t even get out of bed. I applied for over 30 jobs + never received a phone call for weeks. A couple calls came through, but was never offered the job. On top of it all, I missed my family more than ever.
Three months of no work, no income, nothing. When I felt at my lowest, I got in contact with Orange Lutheran High School Administration to become a substitute teacher in August. [Which was ideal because I already coached at the school]. At the time, this opportunity was what I needed to hold on to a little bit of hope. Even though it took a few weeks to get into the classroom, I was eventually substituting almost everyday.
Even working 7 hours about 4 days a week, it wasn’t enough to support me + Robbie. So I was on the hunt for another job once again. Weeks went by + still nothing. I applied for three jobs on OLu campus + didn’t even get an email back. I knew around the holidays businesses would be hiring, so I applied to as many retail stores, all around Orange County, as I could.
Beginning of November, lululemon contacted me for a position + I broke down crying after I was offered the job. I have worked for the company before + absolutely loved it! Retail wasn’t always my plan, but it is something that will help Robbie + me out.
Now I am constantly busy! I am still a substitute teacher when I am available + basketball season is in full swing. On top of all the chaos, holiday hours have begun in the retail world, so I’m working as many hours as I can get at lululemon. This is just a path to get me where I want to go.
Even though I am very occupied with three jobs, Robbie + my family are super supportive. I have convinced myself to go back to school in the fall in a field of study I never thought I’d do, but I’ve never been more motivated. I am beyond grateful for my support system. I can honestly say, I don’t know where I would be without them.
Through all the pain + frustration, I don’t regret any of it. This transition of my life taught me more than I would’ve ever imagined. I’m so grateful for the lessons I’ve learned + the people who stood by my side.
Having my best friend 400 miles away when I was going through all of this shit was the hardest thing. These last three and a half years has tested us + brought us even closer. How lucky am I to have a sister I can call my best friend? Through all the laughs, tears, + mental breakdowns, she was/is always there for me.